Couples Counseling. Does it even work?

Couple arguing, upset and disconnected. Couples counseling can help

You are sitting at the kitchen counter and just flew off the handle at your spouse for the millionth time. Tears run down your face, your head in your hands, thinking to yourself, “what are we even doing anymore?” The conflict has continued to escalate for months or even years, slowing pulling you away from each other. You wonder if there is any hope for this marriage that once seemed so unbreakable. 

If this sounds like you or a situation you have ever been in before, you may have had a follow up thought regarding couples counseling. “Can it help us?” “Does it even work?” “What will it be like?” 

As a therapist with over 14 years of experience counseling couples on the brink of divorce and as a woman who has been in that very place in her own marriage, I can say with 100% certainty that couples counseling is effective, impactful, and healing. With the right mindset and a willingness for vulnerability and hard work, almost all relationships can be helped. Here are just a few ways it can do that:

Provides a space to be heard

When you argue at home, no one hears anything but their own voice. You scream or shut down, making it impossible to hear or be heard. Couples counseling will create a space where you can speak openly about your thoughts and feelings and know that your partner hears you. The therapist will provide support in helping each partner understand what is being said and how that impacts the relationship. 

Allows for a different viewpoint

At home we get so caught up in what we are thinking and feeling that we lose site of any other possibility, including our partner and why we wanted to do life with them in the first place. Couples counseling will allow each of you the opportunity see things from the other persons perspective. You will grow in your understanding of your relationship by looking at a problem from all angles instead of just your own. This will create a greater avenue for resolving issues while also helping you to feel heard and connected as a problem-solving unit. 

Fills the toolbelt for a variety of situations

Couples’ counselors have a wealth of tools to help resolve conflict, make decisions, find love, and move through life successfully, and they are just itching to share them with you. Your counselor will learn about the ins and outs of your relationship and provide you with the tools that fit your specific needs. He or she will teach you the tools, watch you utilize the tools, and help you hone them to fit your communication and relational style. 

Holds you both accountable

Accountability is one of the greatest predictors of consistent change. We can learn tools and talk about our problems all day long, but if no one is there is make sure we stick to what we say we are going to do, will we ever actually do it? Maybe some of you will, but in the beginning it sure does help to have someone ask the hard questions and keep you moving in the right direction. Couples’ counselors find out what you want out of your relationship, help you create goals to achieve that, and then hold you accountable to doing the work to get there. 

    Helps you grow together

    Relationships get harder as the years go on because we are ever evolving. Yes, parts of us stay the same but if you look back at who you were 5 or 10 years ago, I bet you can see the change. Couples counseling helps you grow to love the current version of your partner instead of the one you first met. It allows you to take a look at the past and compare it to the current so you can change to meet the needs of the person in front of you instead of the person you once knew. If we only ever expect the 20-year-old version of our partner, and interact with them as such, how can be happy and fulfilled? 

    Couples counseling is hard work, don’t get me wrong. It will be filled with tears and anger, conflict and grief. It will make you feel like you want to give up at times. Don’t. It is also filled with love and connection, joy and growth. It can make you fall in love all over again, and can show you that hope for the future is possible.
    If you are ready to take the step to find hope in your relationship again, reach out to us. We can help!  
    Call us at 936-524-7523 or go to